im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I believe in your delicious
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
