okay pat passed out under dana's car
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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