I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
operation have a gay friend backfired
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize