It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
