kristin has been a bad kristin
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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