I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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