i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
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