Betty ford says i'm here all night
I could have mohawked her pubes.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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