watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
