A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Semen is not good for contacts.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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