I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Randomize
