he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
