Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize
