So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
