Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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