Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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