I will die if light touches me.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I don't want my vagina anymore.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
