Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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