WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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