I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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