Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
And then my night got REAL pukey
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
