I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I don't think brook has ever known best
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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