You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
