At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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