he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Holy sore nipples Batman
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
