That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Randomize
