So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
