So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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