i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
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My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
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Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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