I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
