If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
we made out on top of his cat.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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