im drinking this country out of the recession.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
