mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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