You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
