Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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