operation harelip BJ is a go
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
