I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
