Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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