i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
There was a lot of him and a little penis
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
