I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
