do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
