I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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