She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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