I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
