Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
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