Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
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