my shit smells like andre
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
