if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
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