did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
