Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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