How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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