do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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