i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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