I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
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You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
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I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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