Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize