i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
