I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize