I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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