Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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