They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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