therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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