you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
