Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
