His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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