First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
