FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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