Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
When are your genitals available?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
