Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.