1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila