Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
would you consider him our boss?
then technically i slept with our boss
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.