Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it