first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
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Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
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Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.