he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I have fence marks all over my body
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
