There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
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It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
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I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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