Umm I'm too high to move.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
