gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
