Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
