I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
