is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
