He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
We don't watch enough power rangers
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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