I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Randomize
