I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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