Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
