I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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