Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Randomize
