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• (213): View more from California

  the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.

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• (769): View more from Mississippi

  she said she likes her vagina punished

  (1-769): View more from Mississippi

  being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough

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• (315): View more from New York

  We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same

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• (818): View more from California

  ...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.

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  21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn

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• (219): View more from Indiana

  THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.

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• (304): View more from West Virginia

  You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.

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• (719): View more from Colorado

  The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom

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• (507): View more from Minnesota

  Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.

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• (431): View more from

  Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.

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  19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”

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• (514): View more from Quebec

  dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it

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• (786): View more from Florida

  Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.

  (1-786): View more from Florida

  Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?

  (786): View more from Florida

  I insist.

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• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?

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• (207): View more from Maine

  "She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"

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• (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems

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• (260): View more from Indiana

  Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.

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