I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Dating After Heartbreak
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out