I just saw a hot homeless man
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.