dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
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