my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.