Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
31 People Admit To Nasty Things They Do On The Reg
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?