I like my sex mixed with concussions.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
